Month: May 2002

The Friday Five is on hiatus this week, so I’ll run you through last Saturday’s …

1. If I could be a rock star for a day, I would be Ringo Starr.

   Because he seems to be one of the few out there who has fun with his fame.

2. If I could be a movie star for a day, I would be Sir Ian McKellan during the filming of the LotR.

   Because, damn, that looked like fun.

3. If I could visit any country, it would be Britain.

   Because there’s some neat stuff there I want to see again, and some neat stuff I want to see for the first time. Wales rocks.

4. If I could turn back time, I would be my current age years old forever.

   Because my life has never been better. Good family, good friends, good job, good fun. The reality is, no age is perfect. I’d like to visit some ages past, but I wouldn’t want to stay there. (Well, I wouldn’t mind a 25-year-old body, but not necessarily my 25-year-old life.)

5. If I could have one superpower, it would be flight.

   Because that would seriously rock. Teleportation, super-strength, and super-speed come in behind that.

6. If I could trade places with anyone for a month, it would be Margie.

   Because I’m deeply curious as to what life is like from her perspective. I think it would be interesting. Plus, y’know, there’s that whole being-in-a-woman’s-body thang.

7. If I could take back some hurtful words once said by me, they would be … I haven’t the foggiest.

   Because I tend to blank those sorts of things out shortly after uttering them. Mercifully, there aren’t a lot of hurtful words I’ve said that have come back to haunt me for very long. I try to avoid them.

8. If I could chose a time period to live in, it would be right now.

   Because, frankly, as much as folks criticize the polution, crowding, and social problems of our era, I’ll stack them up against life at any other time — and I’ll throw in modern medicine, modern technology, modern media (the good stuff) in the bargain. We don’t necessarily live in ideal times (in fact, we certainly don’t). But I think I live better than 99-and-five-9s of the people who have ever lived.

… it’s time for the Hump Day 4, this week with the Deserted Island theme!

(1) If you were stranded on a deserted island, which would you take – tunes or reading material? Explain.

We’ll leave aside the obvious issue of how you’d listen to tunes on a place with no electricity or batteries. Even with that, gotta be books. I’d go nuts without books. I carry books in my brief case, I have them in my desk, I usually have books both upstairs and downstairs that I’m reading, I have books in my car (in case I’m somewhere with no books), I often carry a book in my pocket …

Yeah, it would have to be books.

(2) If you were stranded on a deserted island, which 2 people would you choose to be stranded with? Explain.

We’ll disregard that I wouldn’t want anyone I love (or even like) to be stranded on a deserted island, even with me, and interpret this in the spirit by which it’s intended.

Margie, obviously, would have to be one of them. I would hate to be away from her, and, everything else (my deep abiding love, for example) aside, if anyone could make something palatable to eat out of grubs and leaves, it would be her.

I can’t get over the “wouldn’t want her stranded” thang for Katherine, though. She’d be better off being cared for by the various people we’ve arranged to care for her in case Something Happens.

I can’t think of who else I’d choose. Someone clever, a good conversationalist, mellow, physically fit, and with survival training, I’d think. Hard to say who, though. If it were someone I have to name, possibly Dave S. would fit those requirements, sorta.

(3) If you were stranded on a deserted island with someone you absolutely & passionately hate, would you kill that person knowing that no one else will ever know the truth? Explain.

If I killed them, it would not be because I would never be discovered.

But I don’t think I would, unless I had to out of self defense.

Unless I didn’t have any books. In which case, as noted above, I’d go crazy, and all bets would be off.

(4) If you were stranded on a deserted island with another girl & guy, would you have a 3-some?

I suppose it’s possible, though, The Blue Lagoon aside, the aphrodisiacal qualities of desert island living are, I suspect, greatly exaggerated. Over a long period of time, though, the need for physical and emotional comforting and companionship in such a situation would be profound. Especially if I didn’t have any books. It’s hard to say.

… it must be time for the Thursday Thumb-Twiddler! Remember, when you do the Thursday Thumb-Twiddler, you not only entertain your readers, you stoke my lumbering ego, too! What a deal!

Now to eat my own dog food …

1. With a poof of inky black smoke, the Devil appears before you and offers you long years of success and fortune, all in exchange for that little intangible he calls your soul. Do you prick your finger and sign on the dotted line?

I’m sort of agnostic about the whole Devil thing. The idea of an Evil Overlord behind the scenes, tempting people into doing nasty stuff, especially all for some great cosmic soul-tallying game, makes for some entertaining reading, but I’m not sure it makes for good theology without getting into some weird Manichaean thing.

(Okay, now I’ve officially used my Big Word for Today.)

The idea of Devil as Tempter also seems to let folks off the hook for making bad decisions. “The Devil Made Me Do It” is the oldest excuse in the book.

That having been said, if presented with the above scenario, I’d like to think I’d grab a crucifix off the wall (or rummage around in a drawer for one), shout, “Get the behind me, Satan!” and maybe even find the opportunity at long last to use the word “abjure” in a sentence. I might simply be polite in my refusal — I’ve played way too much D&D to think you can bargain with a Monstrous Intelligence and come out ahead in the deal. (See! D&D is good for the soul!)

Of course, the trick is to recognize the Devil when the offer to sell your soul is being made. Metaphorically, at the very least.

2. If you walked out of your house tomorrow morning and saw a bird with a broken wing huddled in some nearby bushes, what would you do?

I’ve had to deal with similar situations in the past, when one of the cats managed to injure, but not kill, a bird before we intervened. (Margie suggests that any bird caught by our ten year old, one-eyed, belled cat is simply an improvement in the gene pool.) In the one particular instance I can think of, I ended up covering the poor injured thing with a cloth, then killed it with a shovel. It was far too wounded to recover. It was not a pleasant experience.

If it were one of the small birds we have in the area, even if the outward injuries were no greater, I would likely do the same. I think there are organizations that take in injured birds and care for them, but I’m not sure that’s the best use of resources in the world. Better to let the little soul fly free and find lodging in a healthier shell.

For a larger bird, a raptor for example, I’d reverse that, and find one of those organizations. That’s probably sizeist of me, but there you go. I’ve done some peripheral work with raptor recovery projects in the past (working in a lab where mice were bred to feed them, to be honest), and I think it’s a good cause.

3. What’s the best use you can think of for snow?

A big, fat, juicy snowball slammed right into the interface between the back of the head and the jacket comes to mind.

My in-laws like to make Scotch Slushies out of newfallen snow when they visit.