War. Terror. Crime. Drugs. Poverty. Injustice. Abuse. Bigotry. Disease. All horrible things that certainly would seem to be high on the list that any congresscritter would be devoting his or her time to combat.

Or, on the other hand, they can just try to ban dirty words from TV. After all, we all know that's where the true threat to humanity lies.

Rep. Doug Ose of Sacramento has seven dirty words very much on his mind, courtesy of such free speakers as U2 singer Bono and Nicole Richie, the rich kid co-star of "The Simple Life.''
Fed up with recent repeated instances of broadcast TV networks allowing language that many people would deem offensive to be aired live, the Republican House member has introduced a bill that spells out the seven awful words that would be banned from the public air waves in all their forms and all their meanings -- "including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms,'' as the bill says.
Among the words are such swear-word standbys as those used for excrement, fornication, urine and parts of the body. The list includes one word, a -- h -- , twice, as one word, and in its compound form to leave no doubt Ose wants it banned.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't want to hear Katherine using that kind of language because she heard it on TV. (I don't want to hear her using it because she heard it from me, either, but that's another tale.) But that's why we control what TV she watches, and that's why we monitor her language and correct her when she (so far inadvertently) uses improper language.

Parental responsibility. What a concept.

But Ose says such oversight frequently isn't possible today, because of changes in family life. "There are a lot of latchkey kids,'' said the congressman, who has daughters ages 11 and 9, referring to the number of children home alone after school while their parents work.

So instead of having parents make these sorts of decisinos, we'll let the US Government do so. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.

There's any number of ways around that problem, of course. Including not having a TV in the house, having one with parental controls over what channels can be viewed, and, well, deciding which is more important, being able to monitor and oversee your child or running the risk your child will encounter some Naughty Words.

Or, heck, maybe Rep. Ose could consider ways to encourage parental care of kids, ways to reduce the latchkey children population (which has ramifications a lot more potentially dire than hearing a few bad words on TV). That would require effort, and wisdom, and other statesmanlike qualities, of course.

[Ose continues,] "I don't want to be sitting there when a guy blurts something out over the TV and have my daughters ask me what those words mean.''

First off, if your daughters are 9 and 11, chances are they've already heard all or most of the listed terms. They probably know what many of them mean. And, regardless, they should have an idea already of the propriety of using them (if you've been doing your job as a parent, as opposed to simply pontificating about it).

Secondly, if your kids ask what they mean and you don't want to tell them, simply tell them the truth -- They are very rude words, and polite people don't use them in public, and if I ever hear you using them, you will be in a world of hurt.

And, finally, if you're finding a channel or show (or even TV in general) is letting material you consider offensive into your house -- turn it off. If you think that a live broadcast of a rock music award ceremony might feature someone who will use offensive language, don't watch it. It's a radical idea, of course -- sacrificing something you (or the kids) want to see for a principle -- but, hey, that sounds like what a good parent do.

And let the local channel know you turned it off, let the national network know, let the production company know, and let the sponsors know. They can control the content of what they provide a lot better (and with better justification) than the Feds can.

Of course, the question is, where does this all lead? If these eight particular words are particularly offensive and thus deserve special attention in US law ... what other words can or should be so defined? Will we maintain an exhaustive list of words which offend or are considered profane, and on what basis? Ought racial or other epithets be barred? Why is one slang word for excrement permissable and another isn't?

Surely the House Energy and Commerce Committee has something better -- perhaps even productive -- to do with its time.

(via A Small Victory; tip o' the title nib to Adam)

For the interest of those with sensitive constitutions, the pertinent section of the proposed bill (go here and enter "HR 3687" as the bill number) is stored in the extended entry info below. If you're interested.

As used in this section, the term `profane', used with respect to language, includes the words `shit', `piss', `fuck', `cunt', `asshole', and the phrases `cock sucker', `mother fucker', and `ass hole', compound use (including hyphenated compounds) of such words and phrases with each other or with other words or phrases, and other grammatical forms of such words and phrases (including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms).'.

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1) While rude, I don't think those are the eight most offense words.
2) People will just get more colorful in their language.
3) At least one of those words has, if not a different meaning, at least a different degree of rudeness associated with it. What will BBC America show?

I tried to ping this one for a track back but it didn't work :-(

Yeah, I'm not sure why Rep. Ose gets to decide which words are the most upsetting or profane to people, rather than, say, me.

Of course, from an SF standpoint, such restrictions in the past have made writers do some imaginative things, in terms of coming up with neologisms for profanities -- Farscape, Firefly, and (gack!) Battlestar Galactica come immediately to mind.

As for BBC America, well, presumably they'd have to dub over or beep out the words that Rep. Ose's ears cannot stand to hear.

Yeah, what the frack is this felgercarb, anyway?

Shazbot!

Well said! It's good to read a well thought out, and nicely presented opinion.

"I know pornography when I see it!"
It's shit like this, passing the parental, other adult responsibilities off to the gubmint, the slipping of Patriot Act II bits past the people and in to law that make me think Orwell's 1984-ish world is here, it's just creeping up on us so slowly that we won't even know we've been had.

Now, now. Remember that the "Seven Words" have been the FCC reg for decades, and restriction on obscenity and profanity (not to mention blasphemy) has been more the rule in public speech law in the US than the exception until very recently. So I wouldn't call it Orwellian. Just stupid.

What about Peabody? Rimjaw? fooz? I could make these things up all day. Ah PEABODY! Who the fooz put this rimjawing foozer in the foozing copy machine.

What more is there to say, you've hit all the right points. Can't wait to hear what he has to say about piddle, peepee, doodoo, caca, doodie, oh, and what about mofo? I'm sure if we need to we can put together a whole new list of "code" words for excrement and various other natural mamalian bodily parts and/or functions.

Again, that's no different from the situation since the Seven Words ruling; question isn't whether folks can slyly get around it in order to express themselves. It's whether folks should have to in the first place, based on some goofy law (let alone whether it does any good).