Razors pain you, Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you, And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful, Nooses give,
Gas smells awful. You might as well live.
— Dorothy Parker (1893-1967) American writer
Not So Deep as a Well, “Résumé” (1937) [WIST]
Or, perhaps, you might as well build yourself your own guillotine.
The body of a 41-year-old man was found in a wooded area next to a guillotine he built and used to kill himself, police said.
[…] Allen Park Deputy Police Chief Dale Covert said the roughly six-foot tall guillotine was bolted to a tree and included a swing arm. Covert said police also found several store receipts detailing the materials used to assemble the device.
“I can’t even tell you how long it must have taken him to construct,” he said. “This man obviously was very determined to end his life.”
According to investigators, the man had to make several trips to carry the wooden and metal parts to the area in the woods.