I know it’s probably grossly unfair to tackle Michael Moore’s open letter to George Bush four full days after he posted it … but given Moore’s record, I’m not worried about being grossly unfair.
Dear Governor Bush:
Ooooh, that’s the tellin’ him. No legitimate President he, right, Mike? Slick move, calling him just Governor. Yeah, that sets the tone just right.
So today is what you call “the moment of truth,” the day that “France and the rest of world have to show their cards on the table.” I’m glad to hear that this day has finally arrived. Because, I gotta tell ya, having survived 440 days of your lying and conniving, I wasn’t sure if I could take much more. So I’m glad to hear that today is Truth Day, ’cause I got a few truths I would like to share with you:
That would be refreshing.
1. There is virtually NO ONE in America (talk radio nutters and Fox News aside) who is gung-ho to go to war. Trust me on this one. Walk out of the White House and on to any street in America and try to find five people who are PASSIONATE about wanting to kill Iraqis. YOU WON’T FIND THEM!
Pssst. Mike? Dubya hasn’t been talking all these months about killing Iraqis. He’s been talking about regime change. And given how the war’s been prosecuted so far, that seem to be, in fact, the battle plan: take out the Iraqi leadership, not the poor conscripted schmuck-in-the-trenches.
And, yeah, I wouldn’t say that most folks are “gung-ho to go to war.” Most of the pro-war folks consider it a sad necessity. Sorry that there aren’t any mouth-frothers — but would you feel better if there were?
Why? ‘Cause NO Iraqis have ever come here and killed any of us! No Iraqi has even threatened to do that.
Oh, I think we can probably find some speeches by some Iraqis to do that.
You see, this is how we average Americans think: If a certain so-and-so is not perceived as a threat to our lives, then, believe it or not, we don’t want to kill him! Funny how that works!
Of course, that’s the attitude that kept us out of World War II for a couple of years.
2. The majority of Americans — the ones who never elected you —
Mike. Get over it. Really. It’s getting old. Trust me — I voted for Gore.
— are not fooled by your weapons of mass distraction.
Nice turn of phrase.
We know what the real issues are that affect our daily lives — and none of them begin with I or end in Q. Here’s what threatens us: two and a half million jobs lost since you took office, the stock market having become a cruel joke, no one knowing if their retirement funds are going to be there, gas now costs almost two dollars — the list goes on and on. Bombing Iraq will not make any of this go away. Only you need to go away for things to improve.
Bush’s economic policies — “Let’s spend more and tax less!” are, indeed, goofy. But I really can’t blame the current economic situation on the Bush administration. The stock market bubble was already bursting before Bush came anywhere near the White House.
Gas prices have been inflamed (so to speak) by the Iraqi crisis (as well as the Venezuela crisis, but let’s not get complicated here) — but where would gas prices be if Iraq dominated the Gulf region?
“Bombing Iraq” seems to have sent the stock market soaring — and, I suspect, gas prices will ultimately go down because of it. Shall we make a wager?
3. As Bill Maher said last week, how bad do you have to suck to lose a popularity contest with Saddam Hussein? The whole world is against you, Mr. Bush. Count your fellow Americans among them.
What’s Bush’s current approval rating?
Regardless, since when did the right thing necessarily correlate to the popular thing?
Tell me, Mr Moore — do you think that Bush is worse than Saddam? Do you think you would still be alive if you were pursuing your career as professional gadfly in Iraq?
4. The Pope has said this war is wrong, that it is a SIN. The Pope!
I didn’t know you gave much truck to what the Pope has to say, Mike. The Pope also says that homosexual behavior is a sin, that birth control is a sin. Is that your position, too?
But even worse, the Dixie Chicks have now come out against you! How bad does it have to get before you realize that you are an army of one on this war?
I know you hate to realize this, Mike, but the opinions of media personalities and celebrities are really not all that important. I mean, the Dixie Chicks don’t approve of eating meat, either, Mike — how do you feel about that?
Of course, this is a war you personally won’t have to fight. Just like when you went AWOL while the poor were shipped to Vietnam in your place.
Well, there’s a palpable hit. Dubya’s Viet Nam record is pretty damned shameful. Not that it’s any better than his predecessor, to be sure.
On the other hand — what’s your military record, Mr Moore? You turned 18 in 1972 — did you enlist? Are you arguing that only military veterans have a legitimate opinion in this case? Where does your own legitimacy then come from?
5. Of the 535 members of Congress, only ONE (Sen. Johnson of South Dakota) has an enlisted son or daughter in the armed forces! If you really want to stand up for America, please send your twin daughters over to Kuwait right now and let them don their chemical warfare suits. And let’s see every member of Congress with a child of military age also sacrifice their kids for this war effort. What’s that you say? You don’t THINK so? Well, hey, guess what — we don’t think so either!
What’s Senator Johnson’s voting record on the Iraq situation? Is his the only opinion that counts?
Or should we take a poll of parents with children in the armed forces? Have you taken that sort of poll, Mike?
Or maybe we should take a poll of the military personnel actually in the Gulf?
On the other hand, I admit that there would be more moral suasion if those who voted for war actually had children in the balance. Perhaps you should suggest that as a Constitutional Amendment.
6. Finally, we love France. Yes, they have pulled some royal screw-ups. Yes, some of them can be pretty damn annoying. But have you forgotten we wouldn’t even have this country known as America if it weren’t for the French? That it was their help in the Revolutionary War that won it for us? That our greatest thinkers and founding fathers — Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, etc. — spent many years in Paris where they refined the concepts that lead to our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution? That it was France who gave us our Statue of Liberty, a Frenchman who built the Chevrolet, and a pair of French brothers who invented the movies? And now they are doing what only a good friend can do — tell you the truth about yourself, straight, no b.s.
Certainly we owe a lot to the French. And they owe a lot to us (“Lafayette — we are here!”). Maybe George is the one telling Jacques the truth about himself, straight, no BS.
Quit pissing on the French and thank them for getting it right for once.
“Getting it right for once”? Does that mean that they rarely get it right, Mike? Are they getting it right now because they are espousing the position you believe in? Isn’t that rather selective of you, Mike?
You know, you really should have traveled more (like once) before you took over. Your ignorance of the world has not only made you look stupid, it has painted you into a corner you can’t get out of.
Travel does, indeed, broaden the mind.
On the other hand, Bush has a number of folks around him who have travelled extensively. Does that mean that they are wise about the world?
Well, cheer up — there IS good news. If you do go through with this war, more than likely it will be over soon because I’m guessing there aren’t a lot of Iraqis willing to lay down their lives to protect Saddam Hussein.
That does indeed seem to be the case. That seems to be a good thing, doesn’t it?
After you “win” the war, you will enjoy a huge bump in the popularity polls as everyone loves a winner — and who doesn’t like to see a good ass-whoopin’ every now and then (especially when it ‘s some third world ass!).
Why, gee, Mike — that sounds like you don’t respect the opinion of the general public very much. I thought you were touting their opposition to the war as a reason why Bush should give it up.
So try your best to ride this victory all the way to next year’s election. Of course, that’s still a long ways away, so we’ll all get to have a good hardy-har-har while we watch the economy sink even further down the toilet!
Y’know, I will side with Mike on this one. I think that the costs of this war — especially if exacerbated by Bush actually getting his tax cuts through — will further damage the economy, and will probably lose the election for Bush. Of course, that doesn’t mean that this war wasn’t necessary, or right, but I suspect the distinction will be lost on Mike.
But, hey, who knows — maybe you’ll find Osama a few days before the election! See, start thinking like THAT!
Why, Mike — are you implying that Bush knows where OBL is right now, but is holding off capturing him until it’s of political advantage? If so, why not just come out and say it?
Keep hope alive! Kill Iraqis — they got our oil!!
Oh, piss off.
And if that’s not enough critique, consider this. Or this.
(via Andrea)
Old Michael’s getting a touch of the megalomania. Who does he think he is, John Ashcroft?
Beauty! I would so love to see you engage in this very debate with Michael Moore in person! I especially liked the way you caught him in several contradictions – like this one:
“Why, gee, Mike — that sounds like you don’t respect the opinion of the general public very much. I thought you were touting their opposition to the war as a reason why Bush should give it up.”
While I’ve done formal debate in my ancient past, I’d rather engage Moore in written discourse. He’s a very effective rabble-rousing speaker, and I don’t know that going up against him verbally would be all that effective.
But, of course, it’s easier for him to keep repeating the old rhetoric. It certainly seems to work to sell him books and get him tours in Europe.